HOME ISN’T SWEET… Shouldn’t It Be?
Yes! Home life should be a refuge from your work day. Let’s make sure it’s full of JOY.
I’m a Big Deal at Work but My Home Life Stinks.
I’m a senior leader at my firm. My staff loves me. We work well together and have won several company awards together. Our department has very little turnover. I attribute this to sharing a common goal for success and to my leadership abilities.
So why do I feel like a failure at home? I know how to motivate and lead people, but it’s just not working here. My spouse seems to be losing respect for me. The kids resent anything I ask of them. Even the dog leaves the room when I enter.
Don’t they know how important I am?!
Give yourself some grace and take time to think about your two worlds, work and home.
• Do you feel out of control when family/home life is messy, literally?
• Are you afraid what would happen if you let down your guard?
• Has something changed recently to cause an increase in these issues?
My Partner Hates It When I Bring Work Problems Home.
I always thought that my spouse is supposed to be my confidant, and that we should share the good and the bad. They love hearing about work successes and funny things that happened at lunchtime. But things change when I talk about serious issues or problems.
After a long day of keeping a happy face—or at least a poker face—at work, I want to unwind at home. I need to process things in a safe, supportive environment.
Shouldn’t I be able to discuss my day’s events with my beloved?
With an open mind, take a look at the way you are framing your conversations about work, and how your spouse is receiving the information.
- Does hearing about work conflicts cause your spouse to worry about your job security?
- Do they feel defensive because their work is not as prestigious or interesting as yours?
- Do you start these conversations at hectic times, like dinner prep or homework hour?
My Family Doesn’t Appreciate What I Do for Them.
Believe me, I am not trying to avoid soccer games, school plays, or lunch with my spouse. I would rather toss a football or snuggle up for a Disney movie than answer client calls after dinner. Washing the car—or the dog—sounds much more satisfying than working on RFPs at the kitchen table.
Is it too much to wish to hear—just occasionally—that they appreciate my hard work? That they wish I could have joined them in the fun?
Do my kids even miss me when I am out of town on business?
Try to consider if something has changed recently, either at work or at home, that affects this feeling of being unappreciated.
- Does your spouse complain about your absences due to work?
- Have you had an increase in “no show, no call” family events lately?
- Is your job scope increasing and taking up more of your time?
A counseling client of mine revealed how her father, who had been a corporate vice president, tried to manage his home like he did his company. But mission statements and Six Sigma don’t always work with kids, and Dad had trouble pivoting.
- I can help you safely assess your feelings of disappointment or rejection, in a non-judgmental way.
- If a sense of perfectionism arises, I can show you how striving for excellence, not perfectionism, is healthier.
- If your workload is increasingly impacting family time, I can help you explore why and find steps to mitigate that.
- Couples counseling allows each of you to feel safe to explore any deeper issues that cause distress.
If you would like to learn more about how counseling can help you, schedule a free consultation.